Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
