just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the day after is always just damage control
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
