i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
