3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dignity is for republicans.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm like, not good at living.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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