God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
