I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
