the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
