I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
