so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
