Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize