I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
