felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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