i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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