I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just pee around me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
