just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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