I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
