Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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