Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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