she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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