Me. At least after what I've been through.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
