My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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