before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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