girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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