So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize