alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
