can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
