Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
