I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
