dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
