Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
