we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
