If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I deserve this hangover.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
