come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
