I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
