wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
