hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
