i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
