Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
