Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
