Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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