You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
