I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
