I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
