i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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