Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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