now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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