the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
