Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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