K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
