Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
