i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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