I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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