it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
