I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
