OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
