he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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