Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't turn off my feet"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
