i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
