if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
