so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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