I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
