You were right. It hurts to walk today.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
