matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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