she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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