FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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