i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
