I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The best revenge is premature balding
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
