brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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