I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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