Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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