Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
