I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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