Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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