First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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