have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
