Will you blow on my dice?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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