im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
