I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
