upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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