I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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