I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
