I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
now i know why i became what i already was.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize