DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
