Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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