i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
