Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
