I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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