just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
