they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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