I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
