So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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