i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
